* Keepin' It Real

there is a real sadness

2011-07-27T23:48:00.002+08:00

can you imagine i have not updated this blog in three years? and looking back now at all my old posts, i feel like i have not moved or grown much from where i used to be, in those old days when i used to write for this blog so frequently.

there is a real sadness in my heart that i cannot deny. i am 29 now, still working in the same place where started out in 2005. does that make me a sad person? or just a person not necessarily sad but perhaps too comfortable in where she is?

truth is, i am not comfortable at all. like i said i am definitely sad. not all the time. but fundamentally sad. unhappy in my darkest moments, and have more than once cried myself to sleep in sheer helplessness and personal disappointment. i have been wanting, wishing, praying, talking to my lucky stars in the hopes of finding something not only new. but something rewarding, something more fulfilling. most importantly, something more FAIR.

i believe that the good Lord has created me for greater things, bigger things. perhaps not riches nor fame, but more love, more kindness, more happiness with myself and my work. and this i will continue to seek til my very last day. i will continue to trust the Lord because His love is all good and everlasting.

hey you. i am not worth JUST THIS. not worth just what you are making of me.

i am meant for so much more, i need only wait and trust. because our Lord loves me and has made me to be so much more. so if you want to bask in your power and wealth, go! while i will bask in God's love and everlasting care, knowing always that He will never forsake me.

this will be mushy

2008-01-26T13:36:00.000+08:00

too many things have changed since my last post. okay, sorry. let me think of a good enough reason to explain my absence.

1) i have lost access to blogs at work
2) i have tons of work and tutorials
3) i have no more strength to go online when i get home
4) i have been meeting up with friends
5) i have a new boyfriend.

yes, i have been busy watching movies, going to dinner, holding hands, staying home, out drinking, going to market market, staying home and being silly with this person.

it is so special to have not expected a relationship out of this friendship but by some unknown configuration of the universe, we have gotten together.

it is amazing how he is always so positive and cheery and always greets me with a smile. he would do anything for the people he cares for and always wants everyone to be happy and have a good time. he's taught me to not take things so seriously all the time and that there is always a brighter, lighter side to life. i have no idea how he rolls with my moods and still hugs me at the end of the day. i have definitely been less than perfect, but i am infinitely blessed to have an almost perfect someone beside me!

please allow me this sappy entry because two days ago... he fell off his motorcycle and broke his wrist. of course i couldn't help but be worried. when i saw him i teared up for a bit and realized how much he meant to me. i almost wanted to curse the motorcycle, almost wanted to curse the circumstance he found himself in, almost wanted to keep him in my arms and not let go.

thank god it was just his wrist when it could have been much worse. what matters is he's okay and will be just like new in a couple months time.

i will not waste any more time saying what i don't mean, or not saying what i want to.

you are the best birthday gift. i really love you, and i want everyone to know :)

stay safe, my sleepy person.

are you for real?

2007-07-01T14:04:00.000+08:00

i was watching MTV the other day and Rob Thomas came on with his new song "little wonders" from the soundtrack of Meet the Robinsons.

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these small hours still remain

our lives are not measured merely by the biggest moments in our lives, like graduations, wedding days, making our first million, or having one's first baby. i'd like to think that our lives are made more by 'small hours,' laughing over a meal with family, out dancing with friends, or cuddling with someone special in front of the TV. it is in these moments that we are most REAL, most free, and ready to nurture what makes us feel all tingly inside.

sure i've had my share of major moments, in fact if you really know me you know how intense i am, how i push myself to the hilt and really try to be someone i can be proud of. but these are things that we need to do. our jobs, our schoolwork, our priorities. and since i'm going to have to do them anyway, why not do it right diba? i mean if you won't do it right, then don't even bother doing it at all. that's what my dad always says.

after the moments in the spotlight, you always want back in the mundane. the song says "time falls away but these small hours still remain."

i love LOVE LOVE LOVE the 'small hours.' love walking barefoot in the sand, love walking in the rain, love cuddling, love tickles, love fleeting moments that are so rare, you wish they would never flutter away. it is because they are so brief that they are so, so special.

i don't like to play games. do you really want in?

:)

should i stay or should i go?

2007-06-19T14:54:00.000+08:00

alessa, patty, and i have been talking recently about 2007 being our "make or break" year.. hitting quarter-life has never been so challenging, and the need to make majorly BIG decisions that quite possibly will change our lives forever.

1. comfort zone over unchartered territory?
sure everyone loves his/her comfort zone, i mean there is no better place in the world than home.. your own room, own bed, own bathroom (except in a foreign city and staying in a swanky hotel, that is) but even that lacks big time in "having it all" in one place.. friends, family, and all other conveniences of being in your own house.

unchartered territory?
plunging into the unknown, taking a chance, not knowing who you'll meet and what types of people you'll encounter, just knowing that chances are you'll get along with some and get ticked off by others, being unsure whether you'll enjoy your work there or will be pining for adobo back home.. having to do laundry, having to commute, having to walk out in the sun everyday.. but isn't life like that? it gives you what you give it. it only depends if you're giving something worthwhile.

2. self-improvement over friends
wanting to learn more, study more, be more, is only a human emotion.. that's if you're not the mediocre kind. i was always that person who wanted to stretch myself to the limit.. in college i never picked teachers, i picked schedules. basta i wanted to be home by this time and not have ludicrously long breaks. if i had a sucky teacher, i dealt with it. basta i knew i didn't want those evening or weekend classes, even if it was a rumored sure-A. if you want something, you do what it takes to get it. if you don't have an easy time because of a choice you made, then you suck it up, because you have a goal and you will work to get it.

friends?
friends are self-explanatory.. they still lie within your comfort zone.. they make you feel better.. they make you forget you ever had this problem or this crappy relationship.. hell they even make you forget your manners if you ever drink too much together. but friends are friends, and they'll be there as long as you feed and nurture your relationship, whether you're next door or in the next continent. and if they're the real kind, they stick with you no matter what.

3. career over love?
your career is still your comfort zone.. it is steadiness, it is something you know by heart and can do even if you're half asleep or whether your eyes are open or closed. it is the assurance that you'll always have a socially accepted way to pass your day, you'll always have something to say when you meet an old classmate for the first time in years, you'll always have money in the bank and in your wallet, you'll always have the glimmer of higher position somewhere down the road.
that's why we lose ourselves in our jobs. i know i do sometimes.

love?
this is not my comfort zone.. this is my unchartered territory. i am almost in fear of what it can do to me should i take this step again soon.. i have tried so hard and been so successful at being alone, taking care of myself, that it terrifies me to have to consider this option. we are at the phase of almost needing to be in a relationship, should be in a relationship, titas and lolas asking why we're not in a relationship, or just not being there and not being interested at all. this was me for the last few years.. jaded, disinterested, career-oriented, that i just wasn't looking and didn't even make time to meet new people. like all other romanticists, i wait.

patty asked, should i have had one right now for the last three months and i knew he was the right one, and he's down on his knees asking for marriage, i'll still say NO. i'm just not ready. if he could wait a couple more years then maybe i will be. i should be. i want to be.

truth is, weighing these things is really causing some stress on my part (i'm sure for some of my friends as well).. you know the song that says "be careful what you wish for, 'cause you just might get it all.." yes, it seems that is what happened. i have been wishing and hoping for these things for so long that they seem to have arrived all at one time. problem is, i need to leave the country if i chose one, and stay here for a shot at the other. one or the other? hayyyyyyy i really don't know. i just don't know.

anyway.. stresses aside. been having some fun in the sun this summer with friends.

i think i need another beer.

craziness

2007-06-01T18:23:00.000+08:00

whew.. the year is finally over. i have absofreakinlutely maxed myself out for the past week. grade level parties, inumans, after school parties, karaoke nights.. aww man. i am so drained but so relieved. i will miss the kids though.

one of my 'moms' in school, mrs. clark

goofing around in the flex room with molly and soo yeon

end of year celebration with mrs. martinez's class

ms. ranson's class

chan woo

kyle

sakiinah, gaea, and kyle

soaked in the field! perfect after a warm and busy day. kyara, shin yee and faress.

roy, rohan, and sebi.

ang saya saya!

i thought i wouldn't shed a tear on the last day and i didn't until i saw soo yeon looking at me with tears in her eyes and until sakiinah said, "i wish you could come with me to brunei." waaah!
this is what i live for. forget the stress, forget the incredible workload. when the kids hug you and don't want to let go, you live for that moment.

so for now i will take a breather.. catch up on sleep and drown myself in telenovelas (again). i hope to catch up with friends and others i've lost touch with over the last few months.

phew.. the summer months are here again.

tang your howel in singapore

2007-05-01T13:35:00.000+08:00

okay, so this is my holy week update. busy ako, what can i do? =)

i stayed with my good friend trish in her flat at pasir panjang. i'd been waiting and needing this trip for a while now, and it came at just the right time.

out with the old, on with the new. *exhale*

i flew in around 230 am on march 30th, and both of us being so tired that day, we were ready to collapse by the time we got to her place. sa pagod nya she ended up saying to me in the bathroom, "i-tang mo nalang yung howel mo dyan." wahahahahahaha!!! i will never forget that.

trish had work everyday so i would get up at around 1030am, get ready, then take the 10 or the 30 to Vivo City to have lunch. walk around for a bit, shop a little, or think of where i'd like to go. on my own i made my way to sentosa, orchard road, the discovery center using the bus and the mrt. don't you just love efficient transportation? and the E-Z link card was definitely the highlight of commuter convenience. except on weekends and weeknights, all the time by myself really made for some good moments of contemplation.

so this is what we were up to down there.

the 'tawiran' i would walk everyday to get in harbourfront.

red dot design museum. ode to alessa. incredible, out of this world ideas in here!

nawala kami trying to find the national museum of singapore so this is us taking a break in front of victoria theatre.

the national museum facade, right beside the campus of singapore management university (SMU).

the inside and the entrance.

trish and i were at the museum for two days because we just couldn't get enough of it! by far the most interactive and engaging museum i've ever been in. simply amazing.

happy commuter.

chijmes.

orchard road. wisma atria.

my only picture from underwater world, sentosa. these fish look like coral.

our wicked nights out. hedkandi bar at clarke quay.

i need to finish this, 500 pesos ito! trish tinamo, wala na tayo pambayad.

night safari. sorry no pictures of animals because bawal ng flash photography. "boo!"

at esplanade and hawker heaven. the merlion and the fullerton hotel.

and the ultimate highlight of my trip: authentic chicken rice from a chinese lolo with sugarcane juice. before and after photos. uly sneaking one last piece.

singapore is definitely one of my favorite destinations now. it is in this little red dot that i found myself again after weeks of confusion. you will lose yourself in its shopping malls, hawker delights, chinese food, museums, aquariums, and bustling nightlife. perhaps one day very soon i can come back and lose myself in the 'singapore experience' again.

trish, thanks for letting my crash at your place for over a week! for our long walks, long chats, long commutes. for taking me out and showing me around even if you had long days at work, and for making the trip a memorable one. i really, really appreciate it. i am so blessed to have you as a friend. hope you know that you can always count on me. next year, saan tayo mag-ta-tang ng howel? hong kong? =) miss you lots

to mellow out

2007-03-18T16:06:00.000+08:00

i go jogging. it is the perfect opportunity to be alone and simply assess the days that have passed. i seem to have had more complusion to go jogging these days. guess there's just a lot on my plate for now. but somehow in between laps my mind drifts off from what was on my agenda to "think about" and shift my focus to what's in front of me. community kids playing soccer, one foot bare and the other with a shoe on. it's fascinating to see how other people share the little they have. or young athletes practicing their long jumps, with no care in the world whether they get bruised up doing it or they turn five shades darker from being out in the sun all day. in the bigger scheme of things, it seems my concerns are quite insignificant when compared to theirs. i'm just so fortunate to have this life and not other's.

but in my own world, my concerns are monumental. in fact they can really consume me. i am a worrier, i have sleepless nights, and can seriously put all my work on hold (read: making kids wait even if they need me for guided reading) just trying to sort things out in my head. if all else fails, i head for the track.

or hook up with friends. don't look for me thursdays after work because i'm usually with the happy hour club at bonifacio high street. we sit and chat for at least four or five hours. no judgments, no pressure. just friends, coffee, and lots of listening ears.

sometimes i find myself drifting off again, even in the middle of our long talks. i never seem to take the moment in for what it is. then i realize. there are worries that keep creeping up on me. concerns that are eating me up inside. since the thursday group has only been meeting for a few times now, i haven't warmed up to the more intimate parts yet.

coffee with another friend (read: bottled water and beer) has made me see things a bit clearer. i spaced out again when i was with this friend. or what he calls the "long, awkward silence." then goes the "what are you thinking about?" i say, "kung ano ano," trying to feign a nonchalant disposition. but in my heart of hearts i know. it is them again, making their presence felt.

so to keep my sanity i have decided to note it here. pay attention. my heart of hearts is opening itself to you.

I realized
1. that friendships are just like romantic relationships ~ you have to CHOOSE to make it work (and work on it)
2. that some people just create an opinion without asking you or hearing you out (= absolutely unfair)
3. that I am the captain of my ship and answer only to myself
4. that I will do what I want, when and where I want
5. that I want you to tell me how you feel (= i hate guesswork)
6. that true friends TELL ALL and ACCEPT ALL (= no room for judgments)
7. that the most unexpected people can turn into amazing friends
8. that this is ME (= love me or hate me)
9. that I just don't fit in ~ in places I thought I always did (= the warm, toasty spot i used to occupy has turned cold ~ and i refused to admit it)
10. that an area i thought was rather chilly has actually become quite comfortable (= i've found another spot)
11. that you can talk to me and I will listen
12. that you are more important to me than you know

and i will keep pursuing these places, these spots that always make me want to jump up and zip over in a minute. 9 will stay close to my heart because it is quite important to me, but the fresh air of 10 will always get me going. it is real and i don't have to pretend i'm having a good time. pretending sucks.

things are changing. i hope (you) will embrace these new things with me.

one last thing. it's not what you think. i'm not doing anything.

album of recent events
cria's goodbye party

sleepover to last a lifetime (okay i passed out halfway, sorry)

sleepover friends

before checking out the cutie

i'm a graduate!

and jose rizal in his barong (i couldn't find any other costume)

don't read this post if you hate ramblings

2007-03-05T15:58:00.000+08:00

last month..

a friend of mine from work resigned to move on to better opportunities. i miss her dearly but i know we'll still keep in touch.

another friend from work told me she'll be resigning as well. i feel another wave of sadness come through me but i know she's been waiting for this a long time.

you go girls!

i kept thinking about what i'm going to do next. next week, next month, next year. i want to move but there's nowhere to move to.. that means i stay right?

i felt i was missing something.. turns out i might be wrong. i'm just over-rationalizing again. boo to worriers! boo to me =(

among other things and crazy work/ career matters..

another distraction has come up. i am flat-out floored, positively intoxicated, slightly dazed, completely confused. what is my next step here?

none. unless someone takes a step back and clears the fuzzy picture.

ever feel like you are only good in a certain situation and don't know how you would fare at others? like you might be no good at all in another setting?

crap. just thinking about it now scares me. it's almost as if i don't want to know. yes. actually i don't want to know so don't tell me.

black or white, what's it going to be? gray areas suck. you never know what you're good for.

okay this is the last of this. i'm not going to say it again.

c'mon. decide. i can take a hint.

~~ this moment to think is provided by people who talk to themselves~~

i think i know what the answer is. okay, so forget i asked. got it.

crystal.

the space between

2007-02-18T10:08:00.000+08:00

walls are coming up on all sides of me, literally and figuratively. but forget the literal part. the figurative part is the most painful one yet.

i seem to be missing out on something, i just can't pinpoint exactly what it is and where it came from. it started with a little odd incident and even when i thought something might be off there, i decided to ignore it. but something else has come up and now it seems a tad too obvious to dismiss. there is definitely something there. it's been bugging me for some time now but don't know how to proceed since i don't want to be branded as 'making-a-mountain-out-of-a-molehill.' but the indifference is killing me. slowly.

people who know me know that i have a tendency to overthink things. i guess this is one of those times. that's why i think of solutions. i go direct to the person and ASK. or just BE HONEST and tell them and see what they say. i've had some appreciate the effort, the others, well, didn't go quite as smoothly. but that's just the way i am. unfortunately this episode is not one where i can just go and ask, lest i lose more than i already have.

i have a clue as to how this might have begun in the first place but then again, they are just speculations. and the thing that makes it unbearable is that i was counting on the @%&*!^ the most. the @%&*!^ were what i fell back on. but as it seems, i have been excommunicated. for no reason whatsoever. at least none i am aware of.

the @%&*!^ have no idea how much i think about this. or how much i look for $&@~. this is just a time in my life when i really, REALLY need a backbone. i wonder where it's gone.

meet the people who are my backbone at work.

Liza

Vanie

and the friend that is moving on... Cria

so the space between is not just the song for me.. it is a real emptiness of spirit, an absence of a things that matter, a void that has made its way inside of me and has decided to stay. what's my next step? honestly, i have no clue. i am in no man's land, and unless the @%&*!^ decide to fill me in, then i will stay in the dark. for an indefinite period of time.

i miss you.

holiday toys and birthday joys

2007-02-03T18:52:00.000+08:00

i just needed to share with you this picture since i haven't updated for a while. meet my little holiday elves. obviously i bribed them to take a picture with me. see what some stickers and a little bag of candy can do? meet felipe, arad, and joe.

anyway. christmas was fun. all you can expect from the holidays plus, like, ten more pounds of me! the more of me to love right? of course food never disappears during this season. here with more food and my ism colleagues.

ahhh. the smell of the new year. (more like a new month but forgive me, i'm making up for lost time.) january is always a good sign. it just means a fresh start for everybody. it also means my birthday! along with the birthdays of a few other friends.

candice a.'s party at one roxas triangle with the gang.

and ateneo friends ~ ernest, chimmy

~ pat p.

~ and my ladies

~ and more of the gang

dinner at my place.

party-in-a-box PRESENT!

poveda barkads

and more friendships

actually i wasn't really in the mood to celebrate this year but i said, what the heck. i'm hitting twenty five without so much as a watusi to celebrate? napa-invite tuloy ako. i'd forgotten how good it felt to just have a few friends (more like thirty) over for dinner and rekindle old times. i was reminded that night of how much we'd all grown over the years, since high school and college but how much we are all still the same. in spite of breakups and the travails of singlehood (which for the moment is the current status of most of my friends) we are all still connected, cosmically, emotionally, physically, technologically (by cellphone ~ wala na ako maisip na -ally)
i just think the heavens has really meant for us all to share this life together. and i also realized that i hope each person just has that kind of friend, the one you won't see for years and years but when you see each other, it's like you've never been apart. i'm so blessed to have like, twenty of that kind. i invite them over and boom! they're there. and you know what? (this is really senti but) since i have you guys, the nights don't seem so lonely. kahit na medyo malamig these days. (okay i can hear you snickering now) snicker away! =)

so. birthdays aren't actually just your own to celebrate. because this year, it was for me also a celebration of our friendship, our times together, laughters and sorrows, pass or fail oral exams, it was all of you spending a day with all of me. and for that, i thank you. you are my angels.

everyone needs a good samaritan

2006-12-11T15:58:00.000+08:00

i used to watch nip / tuck a whole lot.. in one episode dr. mcnamara was treating this woman with huge scars she was obviously so ashamed of. and what he said just remains with me to this day.

"you're just showing on the outside what all people are hiding on the inside."

wow. that just blew me away kasi sobrang totoo. it's just that no one wants to admit it.

isn't it just so uplifting to see acts of kindness? truth is you don't have to be a doctor or a paramedic. kahit anong tulong pwede, basta galing sa puso. and it crushes me to see how people just feel like helping because it's christmas. hello! kahit di pasko may nangangailangan no!

anyway. here i am attempting to help save a life someday. at our first aid class in ism.

me and cria front and center!

with our dummy vics (if you watch csi you know what a vic is!)

coach noli demo-ing with gari (look at me listening intently!)

and gari my vic, tawang tawa kasi my hair on his face was itchy daw. comedy.

basta. i hope magsumikap naman tayo not just because it's christmas.

ladies' nights

2006-11-30T20:52:00.000+08:00

there's something about ladies' nights that really gets me going.. maybe it's the idea of staying up late, maybe it's the offensive amount of alcohol i know i will consume that night, maybe it's all the new names i'll be able to put to old faces. but mostly, MOSTLY, it's the ladies.

my ladies. (and a lone ranger) alessa, jc, me, denise, patty, candice, and patty d. at citrus for erica's birthday party.

the party in a box hadn't had a night out for ages , so this was a refreshing change. but i think we overdid it as it went WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY too long.. as in i took alessa home at 630am. pero ENJOY kasi wasak kami lahat (kami lahat = Team Cuadrado). bwahahahaha. ale do you even remember going into the house with all the fraternity boys? ohhhh man. it wouldn't have happened if we didn't have one too many gin tonics and margaritas.

kim, candice, monique, me, candice a., and claire giving the oakwood mutiny a brand new face.

this night we all had a bad case of gate-crasher anxiety. hindi kami lahat makapag-pajamas because of a few fish that had stayed out too long. but all in good time.. the little fishies left and i stayed out on the couch to welcome the morning sunshine. btw kim, you and titus made the best cocktails!

truthfully, it is not the drinks, nor the location, nor the new faces that make the night. for me it is DEFINITELY the company. there is no better feeling than being with your girls, who in a heartbeat can turn your worst nightmare into a new beginning. there is just a positive energy that moves around the room when we are together, a growing power that builds up inside you when you find yourself with them. i always feel reinforced, rejuvenated, reinvigorated after spending some time with these amazing individuals.

you girls keep me alive! hope you know that. sending some love to you all.

it's the little things that count

2006-11-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

the date with wacky got me thinking about that 'horizon' we kept talking about that night. we were slugging it out between being really tutok to your objective, making everything timpla in the way you know will get you to your objective someday, or just keeping the 'horizon' in the foreground and letting each day seize you, allowing yourself to embrace every moment.

i would say i am more of the latter. i think he was more of the former. this is not to say we sorely disagreed at some points. more like he believed in this and i believed in that. but what i remember distinctly was the profound sense of respect between us. a silent acceptance of each other's differences. amazing. i will never forget that.

i have this little devotional book beside my bed and it was the one i read yesterday that compelled me to write this entry.

"Live your life each day as you would climb up a mountain.
An occasional glance toward the summit keeps the goal in mind,
but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point.
Climb slowly, steadily, enjoying each passing moment;
and the view from the summit will serve as a fitting climax for the journey."`

-- Harol V. Melchert

of course reaching one's goal in life is great. but what's even greater is knowing, embracing, and accepting, what lay between you and your 'horizon.'

sarsa queen

2006-11-21T19:55:00.000+08:00

i sometimes wonder why i put so much frickin' gravy on my fried chicken, too much toyomansi on my siomai, and just wayyyyyy too much chili sauce on my lumpiang shanghai. i can't help but think all the extra poundage on my sides come from each dumpling dipping episode.. but why? why does all my food have to be smothered with a condiment?

i just can't seem to eat without the 'essentials.' and mind you, i will really WAIT for the sawsawan to be made before i start taking a bite. kasi what's the point of doing something, (especially EATING) when you won't do it the right way? as the saying goes, better not do it at all.

every one of my friends can ATTEST to the fact that i am an avid EATER. in one plate, alessa is the rice, patty is the glass of water, and i am the non-negotiable, never absent ULAM. i am the ulam that is looking for its sawsawan.

i think the sawsawan is in a way a metaphor for my life: a soul searcher, a novice teacher, a day dreamer, a best friend, a crazy coworker, i am all of these rolled into that one hakaw or that one lumpia, just trying to find the right sawsawan, the right timpla, the right flavor for my special taste. and as i try each one, i might like some or may be disgruntled at others. but at least i tried them all, never regretting each special flavor, each individual experience.

it's official

2006-11-19T19:12:00.000+08:00

first of all i need to send a big THANK YOU to one of my besties ALESSA for giving this blog a whole new makeover! it's so much more refreshing to look at and browse through. so thanks dude! the whole parisian theme is definitely me!

let's start with the bad news first: blogs have now been OFFICIALLY banned from being accessed in school which means i will not be able to update this thing while at work. and alam mo naman our PC at home has no internet which means --> ZERO new entries in like, two weeks. sorry guys. at least i was given permission to access my own blog while at work, which means i can LOOK through this blog and read your (plural) comments but not look at any other person's blog. total bummer. well ganun talaga.

anyway. just took my oath taking as a professional teacher yesterday at cuneta astrodome. so another thing is OFFICIAL: i am now a PROFESSIONAL! it was going well until we decided to leave before the ceremonies ended. GRABE. the guards at the gate wouldn't let the people out unless tapos na daw. paano e nakalabas na yung mga kasama ko sa gate tapos kami nalang ni cria naipit sa harap ng gate with like ten people pushing our bodies through that little opening. for a moment there i could smell a stampede coming. uh oh. as in major uh oh. imagine being crushed on the day of your oath taking? ugh. not a pretty sight. thank god for claire's mom who was super feisty and got us out of that nasty confrontation. at least i'm alive!

went to mall of asia for lunch (tita's treat) then drove home for an hour and forty minutes to new manila from mall of asia. i have promised myself never to drive there again unless i want to kill myself. masyado malayo!

nighttime i went to caelum's birthday at giselle's house. nice and intimate party with cristalle, jing, gis, gin, and baby vits. yummy food and cupcakes too! i loved the bubble gang by the way. (they were these bubble guys who would make you step into a little kiddie pool and put you inside a jumongous bubble. fun! good times.)

well that's what i've been busy with lately. i also went to IRRI on a field trip with the kids a week ago but don't have any pictures. just imagine me in a daddy hat and a super maluwag tshirt and shorts with mud all over my body. actually buti nalang walang pics.

oath taking pics to follow! take it easy soldier!

i've come full circle

2006-10-16T13:15:00.000+08:00

This year and last has just been about work and study.. I needed to take up 18 units of Education so that I would be able to take the LET exams last August. Since I started in June 05 and studied all throughout the summer, the certification course actually took me a year and a half. Refused to take review classes and just took the board with a clear head, self-confidence, and prayers in both hands. Thank God.. I've come full circle.

SOBRANG SAYA!!!! Do you know the feeling of working so hard for something and actually having succeeded? Of all the things I've done wrong, I must have done something right. The best surprises are definitely the ones that you are sure you won't get. But thank you God. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I know one can't have everything, and no matter how much I work for it, I know I never will. But at least for one instant, one moment of intense euphoria, I felt I did. God has been so good. Even if I haven't.

Cheers to Cria, Liza, Claire D., and Ate Kaye from ISM who made it! And to my lovely classmates in TCP whose names were on the list as well. Guys, we did it! Galing natin!

We were just too excited about this triumph that we decided to let loose on a weeknight, even if we all had work the next day. At bed space in Greenbelt on a Wednesday.

Test Tube Vodka.

Ito sa 'yo.

Kampai mga pasado!!!

Sarap pumasok nang wasak, haha. Just a few pictures of me in action during Mega Math.

What can I say, certified G-U-R-O na ako! =)

whirlwind weekend

2006-09-25T16:05:00.000+08:00

this weekend has just sucked the life out of me... from tutoring thursday afternoon then straight to home to prepare for the thesistah sleepover at my place. alessa arrives before seven and after dinner patty arrives, all decked in her polka dots for wacky's gig at stone house. buti nalang guys we live all over the place, we can crash almost anywhere!!!

wacky is the consummate musician, always delivers, all the time. while listening to quality jazz with good company and a drink in hand, the group (consisting of alessa, patty, atom, jc, and me) check out his new endeavor: http://datejoaquin.com. if you're looking for a sensible guy with heart, then he's your man. refer a friend (or yourself if you're interested.

friday morning i go to work with a bad ass hangover, trying to take the kids to and from their specialist classes without missing a step. i almost fell flat on my pwet (or my bottom as we call it in school), buti nalang my angel was a step ahead of me.
i swear i felt like i was floating the whole day, the alcohol literally taking hold of all my senses. what better feeling is there than to be hammered at work? i can't say i'll do it again but while it lasted, it rocked!!!

friday afternoon, i go straight home to get clothes then head on to the province called ayala alabang to sleepover at patty's place. trade naman kami, one night QC, one night Muntinlupa! grabe pakalat kalat talaga mga gaga. then once we get there we leave to fetch atom at glorietta then on to spiral, the best buffet in manila!! pat buti nalang di tayo kumain!!! todo talaga sa planning 'tong buffet na to. swear ale kumukulo yung tiyan ko pag baba ko ng spiral staircase and felt the salad bar calling out to me kaya hindi na ako umupo even when you wanted to stay and guard the bags. but of course the wise choice came through: "sabay sabay nalang guys, tutal wala namang kukuha niyan!!" nauna na ang gutom kaysa sa most valuable possessions. smart choice. thanks ale and tita rose for that sumptuous treat. i think it blew all our worries away, (esp. the chinese noodle soup!) even just for a night. congrats pala on your casino win!

saturday morning. trying not to rouse patty from her sleep with my heavy feet. dude alam ko namang gising ka talaga but was just trying to pass time before i left for my tutorial. tiningnan ko na ata lahat ng mga pictures and books sa room mo! but thanks for letting me crash, sabi ko sa inyo mi casa es su casa talaga. i think it's a good idea to go on with our plans of staying in a unit together. dibale after ten years kaya ko na! =)

after tutor i stay home all saturday night to make bawi all the lost sleep from the past couple of days. sunday begins with mass and on to a children's party at loyola grand. when i realized i might be late for the game i told my mom to just drop me off at the LRT for the quickie two stops to araneta! good choice because araneta was already packed at that hour. met up with patty in starbucks and began the race to find frickin' 312!!! Pumasok pa kami sa maling side and so began the Amazing
Race rush to our seats. Sige na, weakest link na ako! Hindi ko lang masabi sayo the frap was freezing my hands off and my body was starting to slow down because of the cold. ANyway we made it and so began the best game in UAAP history.

After Evangelista sunk that last shot, I took a moment to take in our defeat. Sobrang sakit, total heartbreak. But still I wanted to see our team to the finish. Buti nalang I was looking!!! Wild talaga, pati di ko kilala nag-clasp na kami ng fingers!! What an amazing game. Thanks Ale and Tito Alex for the tickets. Sabi ko sayo adopted Libongcos kami ni Patty e. =)

Sigh. Whirlwind talaga. After the game I went our our fam dinner in Forbes and was literally dancing when I walked in the door. My titos and titas were just laughing at me, of course they knew what I was feeling because being a Galvez means being an Atenean. Isa lang masasabi ko. Thank you GOD!!!!

thanks god

2006-08-29T10:11:00.000+08:00

Thanks God natapos din ang kalbaryo ko... I can breathe easy now! At least for a few more weeks.. Will not disclose any more information. =)

Some pictures I found and just need to share! I love these chinese soda cans. During our first night in Shekou.

My brother Jigger who is in the US now. Here with Tita Rica, my mom's youngest sister and Tita Letty, my lolo's sister in SFO.

Actually Jig namimiss kita!

Just have to send a shoutout to Patty who let me tag along to her five-star accommodations last week! Yumyumyum.. sarap kumain at matulog. The life of a blob rocks.

Alessa, kamusta ang buhay beach bum? So glad you got home safe after that super intoxicated phone call!!! But I love it, the beach-bummin-who-the-hell-cares-where-i'm-sleepin-tonight kind of life. We really need to go away together and get wasted on the beach sometime soon.

Miss you guys, magpa-foot spa tayo ulit!

the balikbayan brigade

2006-08-08T15:53:00.000+08:00

I swear, this summer has just passed me by! Today is just the second day of school when I got to thinking... Nakapag-summer ba ako at all? Hmmmm... Let me count the ways.

1. After school was out I got to be an award-winning couch potato;

2. Tutored Jennie from BSM;

3. Went to Bohol and had a picture taken with a tarsier on my shoulder;

4. Then a few other couch potato episodes;

5. Then they arrived.

Check out THE BALIKBAYAN BRIGADE (tan tanan tan!!!!!)

It was just sheer chaos... and too much fun. Tito Manny's whole family from Redwood Shores, CA including their families and the families of his wife Tita Corinne's siblings were there. I don't think I've ever had a more jampacked three weeks in my life.

At Terrazas de Punta Fuego with our convoy of ten (take note: 10) cars, vans, SUVs, name it. Give yourself five seconds. Can you find me?

When we ate at Dalampasigan in Nasugbu for lunch it was so funny how our table had to be curved to a U-shape kasi hindi talaga kami kasya. Ask anyone (especially when we all congregate in Tagaytay), the Galvez family is really notorious for its number.

Welcome the Bagets.. Hailing from QC the Real OC (thanks Ale) and the ones from the real Orange County in Cali.

Hindi ko ma-explain yung intensity nung gimmickan namin because most of us are in our late teens and early twenties, so todo labas talaga. Tipong every night wasak tapos out of town kami the next morning, may mga hangover pa. Special mention to Brandon and Jeremy, mga bawal uminom sa US pero dito walang bawal bawal! Favorite line ni Jeremy: "Waiter, could I have another Vodka RedBull?"

The best nung tinanong nila sakin at Mezze...

(Muffin drinking a tall glass of Weng Weng)
Noelle: Muff, what's your drink?
Muffin: It's called Weng Weng.
Noelle: What's in that drink?
Muffin: Beats me... some hard ass stuff.
Jeremy: So, why's it called Weng Weng?
Muffin: Because after a few big sips you'll feel like, "weng.... weng.... weng..."
(Wahahahahahahaha)

Nakakamiss sila!!!!!! They're been gone a few weeks but I miss them a lot. So glad to catch up with them again. Totoo nga, friends come and go but what can be better than having family as friends too?

maayong pagdating sa bohol!

2006-06-20T17:00:00.000+08:00

Just came from Panglao in Bohol with the family. Maganda pala dun! The beach at the resort was so clear that you could walk maybe fifty to a hundred meters and still have the water below your neck. I really enjoyed the trip to Chocolate Hills and the old churches, as well as meeting a few tarsiers along the way. Truth is, I was terrified of those little gremlins.

Bohol is a gorgeous place. WOW Philippines talaga!

our lady of chartres heritage site

2006-06-13T14:02:00.000+08:00

Over the weekend I went with my graduate school class to the heritage site of Our Lady of Chartres in Tanay, Rizal. What a picturesque place! The building looked exactly like the village presbytery in Levesville-la-Chenard, a small town in the Beauce region of France where the sisters first begun their mission. I have such newfound respect for the religious life because of these sisters.

Can you believe this windmill actually works?

All of us with the fluid statues that symbolize the sisters' mission. Sr. Flor, one of our teachers, is on the leftmost. She is an amazing person. I am in complete awe of her intelligence, wisdom, insight, and total commitment to the Lord.

I will miss all of you guys and our Saturdays together!

ni hao, wo jiao muffin

2006-06-11T21:23:00.000+08:00

April 28 to May 2, 2006.
I flew to Hong Kong to transit to Shenzhen, China. We were to attend an EARCOS seminar on Korean students in Shekou International School. Ate Clarisse, Cria and myself flew via Cebu Pacific on the 440pm flight. They were delayed... hence their "95% on time" slogan (what a surprise). This is us waiting.

We were booked in Cruise Inn, a ship-slash-hotel supposedly docked in the Sea World area. It sounded interesting and being the adventurous creatures we were, we booked two rooms for us three. To be honest I was only skeptical about it being on sea. I thought it meant we would be swaying to the motions of the ocean 24/7 but thank god, it was really just parked on pavement surrounded by two feet of water. Hay salamat.

The night we arrived. Good thing our location was the sort of Eastwood-y type so there were lots of Western restaurants to choose from.

After the seminar we also made our way down to Windows of the World, the must-see theme park in the area featuring miniature replicas of all the little must-see's in the world. I so unexpectedly found myself in St. Peter's Square once again.

And Patty, guess what? I finally stepped foot on the Palace of Versailles!

Not the real one though, haha. At least I got to see what it would have looked like had we actually gone on that tour we were so forced to shell out for.

Out shopping.

Our head teachers, Shane and Sandi, over a drink at California Grill.

Oh and can I just say, my former chinovela obsession has popped up in the most unexpected places. Never did I know I could actually speak enough Mandarin for them to understand me. Don't underestimate the power of xie xie ni! Okay guys, tsai chien! (Goodbye!)

the surprise party i never made it to

2006-02-14T11:34:00.000+08:00

My last birthday was a bit too hectic but ALL fun. It was also the annual ES (Elementary School) Sports Day so all of the teachers were OFFICIALS of the games. All of my co-teachers were on the ES field and where was I? In the MS Field of course! By some stroke of bad luck, the old switcharoo creeped up on me at the last minute, assigning me to the Middle School field with none of my co-teachers knowing. So they waited and waited and WAITED... expecting me to pop in at the last minute but, ALAS. They couldn't find me anywhere, and besides, break was almost over so they just ended up eating the pizza they bought for me and the party. They were sweet enough to NOT take a bite of the cake and waited for me to blow the candles. Thanks to Mrs. Riviello, Ms. Forgie, Mrs. David, Mrs. Martinez, Mr. Winton, Mr. Selander, Ate Clarisse and Cria for the sweet, sweet surprise. So here was the make-up party that transpired after all the games were over. Check out our sports day tshirts!

And the super sumptuous cake courtesy of the teachers.

Some of the "OFFICIALS" of the games. (Posing lang yan 'pre!)

Had dinner with the fam at this a new Chinese restaurant in Quezon City because CHINESE is my favorite food! Then karaoke with the friends at World Music Room in Promenade with my true friends Alessa, Bea and Patty, boyfriends Mark and Pat, and Wacky and friend! Thanks to Wacky for the song number! Too bad our EUROSTAR MISSION was aborted but let's do that soon.

Thanks to all the friends and family who bothered to give gifts and surprised me with text messages, phone calls, emails, etc, especially to the teachers at ISM and to all the students who sang for me. You definitely made my year! Here's to being 24... love you all!

worktime is playtime

2005-12-09T07:17:00.000+08:00

I've been busy with a million things which is why I haven't been able to catch up with this blasted page. Anyway I don't think anyone is reading which makes it even better... hehehe. Well for the sake of those who are, take a look at me in action with the kids at IRRI during our field trip, in line with our Rice Production unit.

With Jordan and Jenni after being soaked in the mud!

This is Cria and Ate Clarisse, my fellows at ISM also with Grade 2. We were at the annual pre-Christmas party at the Superintendent's house. Of course we won best in costume. Ayos ba.

My work makes me feel like I'm a child again. Actually I still am! Text me soon, you guys! Miss you all.

blah blah blah

2005-09-11T21:58:00.000+08:00

I have almost completely disappeared from the face of the blogging earth. But I have an excuse. Been quite busy, actually.

First of all, I resigned.

I really wasn't enjoying my job at that secret institution in Pasig so I decided to leave. Sure, I love my co-teachers and students and all but I was just becoming TOO tired and my body was getting WAY out of whack.

In other words, it was time to say BUH-BYE.

Had some trouble leaving though. The headmaster really did not want to let me go so had to iron out a few deep creases... and then some.

Anyway. I have a new job now, and I am feeling SO MUCH better.

Shorter hours, benefits, somewhat better pay (READ: Somewhat), and no one breathing down my back. In short, PARADISO. Hahahahahaha.

So, here is my new workplace.

And moi.

Plus Adithya, from Ms. Riviello's class, during an on-the-spot interview.

Sure, there are some setbacks here and there, but doesn't everybody? So, normale.

I've also started taking units in Education. Naks, investing for the future. Yehessss ... investing on my brain. Nakampooch.

What else... I also got sick last week. Like MAJORLY. As in my elbow pits look like they've been beaten half dead by the Al Qaeda because of so many blood tests. Hate those needles, I swear. Ick. Ick ick ick. I never want to see the Pathology Unit of St. Lukes Medical Center again.

But I'm well now, so what the heck. Thanks God. ;)

Oh, and yeah. I thought there was a prospect in one of those weeks somewhere. But, as is expected from them these days, naglaho parang bula. What else but normale .

Back to the same banana. But I'm content. Have so much to be thankful for.

Later, dudes. Bedtime ko na.

disillusionment

2005-06-02T13:09:00.000+08:00

Before I begin a lengthy discussion on why and how I have recently lost my grip on things, I would like to give a shoutout to my thesistahs, Alessa and Patty, both of whom I was with one fateful night at Oyster Boy in Greenhills. Here we are after gorging ourselves on Oyster Rockefellers which proved to be the night's dish of choice due to its aphrodisiac-y qualities. Hmmm hmmm hmmm... Makes me wonder why so many couples went home early.

And with our other pals, Waldo and Pao Constantino.

Guess what, Ale and Pat! I belong in... Paris!
"Stylish and a little sassy, you were meant for Paris.
The art, the fashion, the wine, the men!
Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park...
You'll love living in the most chic place on earth...."

If you're saving up for NYC dude, ako, ito. Perhaps when I've made my way back to this city (using my own funds at least), I can really say "I'm made!" and mean it.

And elsewhere.

Anyway. Getting back on topic.

Just came back from the School's Summer Camp. A lot of fun, I must say. And then some..

Some surprises, to say the least.

Anyway, here are the crazy little toads in the bus, on the way to Subic.

And the happy campers before we were all wasted and beer bonged out.

Ho hum... it's been a wild ride so far. I'll be sure to hold out for more.

Toodles.

all grown up

2005-05-19T17:35:00.000+08:00

How do you know if you're growing up?

It could be one of many different things, and actually maybe even a combination of others. Some of the obvious ones would be improvement in physical appearance, height spurts, weight loss (or gain), developing muscles, evening out of your arm length to the size of your torso, and such. Perhaps for others it means a bigger salary, a flashier car, a plasma tv, an iPod, an iBook, and many other material things that distract us in this life.

I beg to disagree, even if for others, some of the above might actually be manifestations of being a grown-up. Not exactly true for me. Sure, I'd want to have a bigger salary, a smaller waistline, a plasma tv, yada yada yada. I mean, who doesn't? Material things make our lives so much easier, not to mention temporarily, or even permanently happier. But when you achieve those things, can you really say "I'm made!" and mean it?

If you can, well, I can't.

I am 23, female, and a teacher by profession. For some reason I feel I have grown more in the last two months than probably the last two years. Being in this institution, teaching the subject that I do, is constanly demanding of me more that I ever demanded for myself. And it is a good thing. A very, very good thing.

I am forced to extend myself, to put myself under circumstances I otherwise might never subject myself to, had I not needed to. I am forced to take control of my life, to set goals for myself and actually make small deadlines so that I may achieve it. I need to prioritize, to see life not as a competition but buffet for all, and to listen to others even if I don't want to listen anymore. I am also asked to respect the value of teamwork, and to constantly renew myself from time to time. Sound familiar? Go figure.

The best thing about these is that I am actually trying them out.. baby steps if you know the term. And I love it. Love every minute of it. I love the way it makes me feel all giddy and glad inside, instead of welled-up anger or wanting to curse the driver in front of me again. I love being able to tell my parents how much I love them. Again and again, until they are finally convinced that I might just want them to treat me to dinner. I love the way I try to understand others, to talk to them and ask them how they feel, instead of telling them how I feel again. I love the way that I believe so much in not needing a boyfriend to be happy, because I am fine, and that I can always shrug the issue off saying, "Dude, okay lang ako. Dadating din iyan." =)

And one of the things I discovered that almost nothing can top, is AFFIRMING others. Like when someone does a good job, there's nothing like telling him, "Galing mo, pare. Great work." With a big smile, you'll surely make a friend's week. I did it once this week, and man, did it ever work!!!

No more outbursts, no more selfishness, no more bitterness, no more self-pity, no more late night tears, no more broken hearts, no more shame. I have bid them all goodbye, and never ever to be missed.

I'm not saying that I'm all grown up. What I am most proud of is that I know that I am most definitely on my way.

Thank you to family.

Thank you to friends.

holy week

2005-04-28T18:18:00.000+08:00

Holy Week was a while ago but I haven't had the time to update so if someone's interested, here's what I was up to.

More shopping!!!! In one of the trusty ukay-ukays in the country.

This particular one was one of the most insane ones I have ever come across. It has four freakin' floors, each one below the other, with the lowest floor glowing a spooky yellow-brown hue, surrounded by boxes and boxes of musty clothes, one whiff of which would be enough to send me to the land of asthma attack-ness, if there is such a word.

Other destinations.

Cliff House. A new restaurant-slash-hangout for those very loyal Tagaytay patrons, such as myself.

Meet my soul sista, Jones.

And my gorgeous momma, Chuchu.

Check this place out if you're in the area. Though the restaurant seems a bit on the pricey side, their filet-mignon-au-foie-gras language menu seems in the least somewhat interesting. Might as well give it a shot. And the views are splendid, by the way.

At the Taal Vista Lodge with the people who drive me nuts. Grigger and Jonut.

Plus the two people without whom I would be literally non-existent today.

And at Manila Southwoods.

PakwanVille!!!!!!!!!

Best time to spend free time is family time. Especially with the free food, op cors.

Later, dudes.

i'll miss you coz.. you rock.

2005-04-26T17:51:00.000+08:00

Coz, its been a while since you left but I just want everyone to know that you have touched my life and made it so much richer than I could have ever hoped for.

I love you for making me laugh especially when I didn't feel like it. For giving me those "looks" that without a single word, you would understand me perfectly just because you knew. I love you for playing doctor-doctor with me in first grade where our patients were crayons and had sicknesses like sipon, ubo and were pregnant or whatever. Who would ever imagine a little magenta coming out of a mama magenta? Only you and me. I love you for believing enough in yourself to know that you could make it through high school, and for keeping your promise to hug me beside the stage after our high schoool grad, where we cried and cried till we could cry no more.

Hay naku I could go on forever!! Basta I love you!!! Best of luck in Spain!

Steer clear from the boys with putok!!!

US mems... I miss you guys!!!

2005-03-19T00:36:00.000+08:00

Boston, Massachusetts. The land of Ally McBeal and The Big Dig, the land of Harvard and MIT.. Actually, it's just the land of Kuya Gino, who treated me to a surprise US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Boston not too many months ago.

Here we are at this happenin' club called Mantra in the freezing city of Boston, MA.

Kuya's friends Raffy and Carmina del Rosario live in New York where Carmina is a shoe designer! Isn't that d coolest? They were the nicest people too.

This is Ria del Rosario, Raffy's sister, who used to study in Poveda. We were together in the Drama Club grade school days.. can you believe it? Now she lives in Boston. This is Brent, her boyfriend, and yours truly.

South San Francisco, CA. With Mielly in her house and in front of that cafe where we ate the meanest blue cheese burgers ever. I miss you Mielly!!! New Manila and SBC ain't the same without ya!!!!

Vanness, dahil mahal kita, I had to run after this cable car just to take a shot.

Onli In Da Pilipins

This is what I was missing in the US.. Only my beloved Aers of course! Sleepover at my place, with Barbie, Kim, Candice, Kaich, me, and Miam. Bea was smoking outside during that time. Magic mic all night, 5 bottles of red wine, cuervo, potato chips, dip and other chichiria. Fun, fun, fun.

Anyway. Moving on.

Congratulations to my soul sista Donut Bajones Galvez. On being officially discharged by the Poveda Community. Good job Jones!! You make our mama and dada proud.

Happy Anniversary also to my dearest Mama and Dada on their 27th year. Here they are with my anniversary gift.. A paper ball made by my co-teacher with different thank you notes inside. I love you both!! "You're the meaning in my life, you're the inspiration..."

And, YES. I am officially a teacher in a secret institution. Hehehehe. It's really grueling and tedious, but I've met some great people who if not for them, I would most definitely have slept right through the first few days of work. Here are my ladies at the secret institution.

Yo yo yo to Pam, Ria, and Ma'am Chu!! See you on Monday for more SRP!!!! WOOOOHOOOOO SARAP MAG-SRP!!!!!!!! (Ya rayt.)

My messy area.

Whoops. Shame on me. Sleeping when I should be working.

And today's lunch at Sbarro, Megamall, with Miss Rose Villareal, Social Studies teacher of Grade 12. Hay naku.. because we made lakwatsa, na-late kami sa bundy ng 15 minutes. Sorry nalang. Bawas sa leave. Hehehehe.

Bad lighting due to Sbarro's red lighting. Zorreeeeeee.

By the way, I want to give a shoutout to Roi who just got back from the US! Kwento ka naman pare! And don't ya worry about them flowers. Wala na yun men. :)

Candice, asan ka na ba sa Europa? Manila ain't the same without you! (She sent me this exact same message when I was there last year and she was here.) Magparamdam ka naman!! Miss ya girl!

Ok, you. Hope you're well. Be silly, stay silly, make other people happy, and pray the rosary.

Kisses. Muffin

officially busabos

2005-03-13T12:05:00.000+08:00

I just realized my latest pictures make me a perfect candidate for the most-unkept- 23-year-old beauty pageant.

Found some pictures from Tags with my mom and sis taken during New Year. Pansinin ang floral boxers. Actually I'm wearing them now. Haha.

This is in the house with the I-just-came-from-the-Mahogany-Meat-Market-and-decided-to-take-a-picture-when-I-get-home-look.

This is right before New Year fooling around in our parents' bed. Sabi ko close up pa. Nevermind the big ass zit on my chin.

The three people who drive me nuts. Can't live with them. Can't live without them.

After fetching sis at school. Burger King Galleria. Perhaps one of my better days. But then again, better na ba iyan? Parang ganun din.

March 3. Mommy's 84th birthday. What would I look like at 84? My slammin' lola, on the other hand, looks like this. At freakin' 84.

Cheers to you, Mommy!! You are definitely the coolest lola around. Thank you, thank you, I love you.

These are the del Rosario ladies. Well some of us, at least. During one of Mommy's past birthday parties. During that time, pink was the new green. Or something. Check out the uber short hair, by the way.

Paris hotel in Las Vegas, October 24, 2004. Imagine, still jetsetting at 83! I was just in it for the ride. And the eat-till-you-die buffets, of course. I wear sweaters to conceal indigestion.

Mommy with my new cousin, Boey. Talk about spanning generations.

And the rest of us. After a very hearty meal. Obvious ba.

March 5. Denise's birthday. Jack's Loft, Wilson. Mga bagets sa kama, mga oldies sa sofa. Masakit daw sa likod yung kama. Arthritis kicks in on bad restaurant seating. Hahaha.

Fooling around. Look at my dad. Ganyan talaga siya matulog. Joke.

Kuya ko ayaw makisali sa pose namin. Tawa pa ng tawa. Asar.

Anton, Michael, Jigger and his girlfriend Tin. In one of the beds.

Tin, me and birthday. Talk about having a bright blue bra for everyone to see.

My parting shot. I am officially an AMAZONA. Imagine I did this pose in the presence of other Jack's Loft patrons. Well, audacity was always my best quality.

See?
Not even a remotely decent picture in the bunch. But what the hell. Being busabos is a lot more fun than having to dress up fo-sho. I love being me. And I love making my whole family do my stupid poses. Fun, fun, fun.

Anyway. I'm getting bored.

So, goodnight, all. I am off to another exotic destination in Korea now. Wherever my novelas take me. So far I'm in Shanghai, China. Ni Hao. Wo xie Muffin. Yada yada. Adios amigos.

my power is your power

2005-02-08T04:03:00.001+08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are
inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are
powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
that frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are we
NOT to be?
You are children of God.
Your playing small doesn't
serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about
shrinking so that other people won't
feel insecure around you.
We were born to manifest the
glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us,
it's in everyone.
As we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we liberate from our own fears,
our presence automatically
liberates others.

-- Nelson Mandela

One very very boring day, I found myself doing this --
pretty narcissistic, wouldn't you say?

the way of the jesuits

2005-02-05T01:39:00.000+08:00

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is,
than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination,
will affect everything.

It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you will do with your evenings,
how you spend your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read,
what you know that breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.

Fall in love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

-- Pedro Arrupe, SJ

presenting... my other life

2005-02-03T10:40:00.000+08:00

Chen Ling & Han Qi Luo, Cha Song-Ju & Han Jung-Suh, Han Ki-Joo & Kang Tae-Young, Jung Jae-Min & Lee Soo-Jung, Xiao Tao & Ah Li, Jun-Sang & Yoo-Jin...

Do you know any of these people?

These are the individuals, or as it may, couples, that make up my other life.. the life I have when I'm not out with friends or family, or when I'm not off to some party or long-anticipated reunion.

Do you get it?

When I am alone, this is what I do. This is my other profession, that if I actually made money out of this, I would definitely be a millionaire by now. A billionaire, on marathon days, perhaps.

What am I?

I'll keep you guessing.

I spend my days and nights with these people they are real.. they follow their hearts and take charge of situations I only wish I had enough courage to.

Sometimes I want to strangle some of them.. because many times their delay to execute an emotion can be quite frustrating.

Are you with me yet?

I love them.. love them all. I love them for their passion, their devotion, their sacrifices for each other in spite of all the circumstances that try to tear them apart. I especially love the way he holds her and the way he chases after the bus she's riding, as if there were no tomorrow.

Actually, I only love one thing.. their love.

I LOVE THEIR LOVE.

The day I find someone who will travel to whatever corner of the earth I have squeezed myself in to look for me, who will give up his entire career, his money (if he has any), the comfort of life as he knows it, to spend his life with me, is the day I am in trouble.

I am in trouble because I will fall in love in a heartbeat.

The secret of love
I thought I understood
The way it's supposed to be
I never imagined you could
blow my theory apart
and now you're running away with my heart

Arrows through hearts
drawn on a misty window
you're taking me home in the rain
my heart is beating
don't say no
my head keeps saying
take it slow

You're giving me a feeling
it's a sudden rush
acting on a moment
spontaneous
oooh this is not like me
to follow my heart so easily

I don't wanna think about it
don't wanna think clear
don't analyze
what I'm doing here
wanna be impulsive
reckless
and lose myself in your kiss

-- Wilson Phillips, IMPULSIVE

Losing myself in your kiss = TROUBLE = YEHEY.

I think we are getting off topic.

Did I mention these people do not know me? But I know them all so well.. as if they were the back of my hand. I memorized their names and stories by heart, it's preposterous.

Actually they aren't REALLY REAL. Especially not in the way the Velveteen Rabbit puts it. What is real for me is the personalities and eccentricities that are brought to life because of them.

What am I already?

Sige na nga, siret na.

I AM A TRUE BLUE... ATENEAN. Haha. Joke. (I really am but that's not it.)

I AM A BONAFIDE CHINOVELA, KOREANOVELA JUNKIE.

That's it.

I love them because they make me believe in something better.. that I should never SETTLE. NEVER EVER SETTLE for something, or somebody, for that matter, that I am not madly, ridiculously, insanely in love with.

Lover, are you there?

I can't wait to meet you.

In the meantime, take it easy.. today is yours.

Tomorrow is ours.

Do you understand me now?

In a perfect world, The Lover would be this sizzling specimen.

my thesistahs' surprise treat

2005-02-02T16:35:00.000+08:00

It's truly amazing how people you are most closest to can feel you.. I really wanted a surprise birthday party and I even told my mom about it.

Little did I know one was already on the way for me!!

To tell you the truth, I really had no clue. I was raring to go for a blind date with someone Patty and Alessa told me about a while ago. Thinking that this was part of their birthday treat for me, I went to the parlor and dressed to make a good first impression. I didn't put any make-up because I knew Pat and Ale would take care of that for me.

With my hair all ironed and a girly outfit to boot, I was ready.

Off I went to Alessa's house with my parents and my brother Michael. When we arrived, I couldn't understand why there were so many cars parked on the street nor why the lights were on in Alessa's garden. My mom said she had to pee, then Michael said he had to go too. I couldn't understand why my dad went down from the car as well.

I was thinking, nakakahiya naman kay Ale, buong pamilya ko makikiihi.

Then I saw Patty's driver, Kuya Renante. He said, may surprise diyan para sa iyo.

I just couldn't get it. I was like, huh?

Then I saw Alessa's maid and told her to tell Ale that I was already there. When I was taking my parents to the restroom, I heard some noises at back. Rustling, and then.. a voice I knew so well...

Joan Bondoc.

What the hell was Joan doing here, I thought.

Then Alessa came in. She said some stuff to my dad about going out and that she was just going to get ready but in my mind I figured out what was coming. She brought me to the back and then in the dark I saw some streamers. I started laughing really hard and then...

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought, uh-oh.. no make-up.

The lights came on and so many people were there! Boy, was I touched. Friends from high school and college were there to greet me a happy birthday. Everyone started making me beso and took so many pictures even before I could make my way down the foyer. There was so much food too, cheesesticks and cupcakes, tikoy and churros, and even an ice cream buffet!!

With my CUPCAKE cake

Roni, Kate, Kaich, Miam, Me, Xyn, Candice, Barbie

Macy, Nina, Me, Candice, Roni

Macky, Me, Joleon

Meet some of the sexy ladies who have held me together during high school, and until this day -- Cris, Kate, Yoya, Julia, Regine, Me, Joan, Ale, Jinkie, Nina

Thanks to Alessa and Patty for the sweet, sweet blow-out. =)

Thanks to all the kabarkadas, classmates, blockmates, friends, and boyfriends of my friends who swung by to greet and say hi.

Talk about wishes coming true. I had such a blast spending time with people who have made my life so rich and so full of laughter. Ang dami pala nagmamahal sakin!!! =)

Mahal ko rin kayo. (Ano ako, Sandara? Please.)

I feel the world gives me so much, I have so much to give back.

Thank you all, for making me feel as special as you have. I hope our being friends has made you feel how special you are to me as well.

Take care, you.

ang saya maging ako

2005-01-30T22:48:00.000+08:00

Not patronizing myself, mind you. I just had to say it considering what a blast I've had the past few days celebrating my 23rd birthday. This must have been one of the best birthdays ever. EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

When the first few minutes of January 27 struck, I got a number of texts and calls from those who 'wanted to be first.' Awwww thanks guys!!! You really make my heart melt.

Afterwards went on a spur-of-the-moment trip to Xaymaca with Joleon, one of my bestest buds, to meet up with his pals Gino Montano, Isabel Pablo and BJ Palattao. At first I wasn't sure what to expect except A LOT of reggae and passive smoking. Woooohoooo I didn't know I was in store for so much more!

That Reggae Mistress band rocks!!! I am nearly a bonafide reggae fan now.. their family really impressed me. The dad was on the congo drums, the mom and the daughter were on vocals, then the brothers were on the guitars or something. In fairness magaling sila ha!! Take note ang dad naka-dreds ala Bob Marley. REPRESENT!!! Before I knew it I was singing along to their songs and dancing to that conga beat.

Special mention to Joleon for dancing with those plus-sized ladies by the stage, at my request. That booty shakin' girl in glasses really enjoyed grindin' with you man!! Love you for that. =)

Guess birthdays really aren't complete without the puking sessions huh? I'm proud to say I'm on a roll!! Three years now I think. Had another beer too many and ended up messing up my bathroom floor. It came pouring out too fast, I didn't have time to aim. Ick.

The next day, I woke up with a horrid headache.. So horrid I couldn't read the texts I got that morning, nor could I talk to my Ate Mia and Ate Leana who called from LA to greet me. Got to talk to my nephew Josh and my niece Noa!! Miss them sooooo much.

Lunchtime. Kenny Rogers E. Rodriguez. I treated all the help in the compound to the restaurant of their choice. I thought Pancake House was a good idea but they decided Kenny Rogers was the craving. So off we went to the land of side dishes and cornbread muffins. How apt is that? Kagulo ako sa kakamemorize ng mga order nila ha. "Ako Map (they call me MAP as in MAPIN) Solo A na may macaroni tapos Coke tsaka kung mamon din ha?! Tsaka si Manang Solo B daw kasama nung gulay at mais at yung mamon din." Mamon daw yung muffin. About 7 different orders pare. I was relieved to know my memorizing skills still don't disappoint considering I've been ten months out of school.

All the good company at my KR lunch treat

PM. Had a quick nap to ready myself for the dinner feast at Kimpura with the whole compound. Went to mass at 6:00 with Mom, Dad, Maki and Jones.

Dinnertime. Kimpura Greenhills. Have never eaten as much as I did this night. (Ya right) Everything from teppanyaki to all the makis, tonkatsu and miso, tofu and tempura. And ohhhhh, how could I forget, their out-of-this-world fried gyoza and heavenly kakiage. Plus my free birthday sundae and Dulce Lin Mango Torte. Gosh. Gluttony is good. I should confess.

Me and the rest of the del Rosario compound

SINFUL freebie Coffee Jelly Sundae from Kimpura

This was the only year I 'made ipon' most of my text messages until I reached around 30+ unread messages.. Masaya pala yun! So if you sent me a greeting and I didn't say thank you, ibig sabihin baka natabunan ka na or I thought I'd already sent you one. Anyway THANK YOU!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Birthdays rock.. this has definitely been one of the better ones. By the way, I received more greetings this year than many others. So to the people behind the scenes who texted people and messaged people on my Friendster to greet me, THANK YOU. I don't know who you are but I thank you. I bless you. I love you.

the most embarrassing seats in the house

2004-08-21T18:44:00.000+08:00

What does it mean when you're placed in the most embarrassing seats in the house?

Last night when I was having dinner with my lola, the restaurant we went into was so packed that the receptionist said only those with reservations could sit on the lower floor. Walk-ins had to go to the second floor, which of course was not possible in our case considering my lola's back problem.

Long story short, we had to sit somewhere near the entrance where people usually sat and waited for their seats to be ready. No one actually EATS in those seats right? Whereas Mommy and I were having our entrees in that blasted sofa.

In all fairness, there was a table in front of us, only that it was a tad bit too short to be eating something on top of it. Whatever. Mommy wasn't complaining and she was the one in all these pearls and stuff so I just felt I didn't have the right to.

But of course I did... just a little... to see how the waiters could probably help get us out of a somewhat sticky situation. To no avail. There's no messing with Friday night dinners in that place.

By some stroke of divine intervention (and some winking at the waiters on my part), the table adjacent to our semi-table stood up and left, and without any more of my motions for the waiter to remedy what could have been a gastronomically delightful but ego-crushing dinner, a squeakingly clean table was set up in what I had noticed was the best spot in the house.

Before our main course was served, Mommy and I were relocated to the center area of the lower floor. Right beside beige tweed drapes that gave a sense of privacy but at the same time some warmth. Some, mind you, because the initial hostility I felt had not yet totally been exterminated.

I scanned the room. From where we were seated, you could see the whole restaurant. The whole lower floor I mean. Not bad, I thought to myself. From loser seats to prime seats. Not bad at all.

Shortly after the seat switcharoo, our main course was served. It was alright. Mom had fillet of apahap in a bed of pasta and vegetables while I had angel hair pasta with anchovies and sun-dried tomatoes. My pasta dish was a little saltier than I would have normally liked it. But it's no matter.

I forgot to mention that the owner of the restaurant personally came over to our table to give her apologies for the mis-seating, as I would like to call it. That was a nice gesture. Threw all the logic of my the initial forehead-wrinkling in the trash. AT LEAST, some form of consuelo de bobo.

This got me to thinking, how do people really view others who are placed in perhaps, compromising situations out of their own will and control? And how come when those people are no longer in that situation, then they just seem like the rest of us and no one bothers to give a second look?

Maybe being in those situations does somehow give those people a little edge over all the others. Because then you have the privilege of WAITING in suspense for what is in store for you. Gives you a little taste of what will come your way without your doing anything. Kind of exciting, isn't it? A refreshing change from being IN CONTROL 24/7.

And everyone knows it's boring being a conformist. That's why no one bothers to look anymore. There's nothing exciting to see.

I wrote this article in contemplating why people always demand for what they feel is rightfully theirs. Just like my futile attempts to make the waiters arrange a more decent eating set-up for Mom and I. It's just that it wasn't our time yet.

I realized, as long as you're there for all the right reasons, then, you eventually get what's due you. Which in this case are the prime seats.

Perhaps the restaurant scene is a metaphor for our lives. Sometimes you sit by the window, sometimes they seat you in the dark, hell, sometimes you even have to sit beside the kitchen or the bathroom doors.

But sometimes, SOMETIMES, you get the prime seats, which actually, everyone really deserves.

It's just a matter of waiting for your turn.