the space between

walls are coming up on all sides of me, literally and figuratively. but forget the literal part. the figurative part is the most painful one yet.

i seem to be missing out on something, i just can't pinpoint exactly what it is and where it came from. it started with a little odd incident and even when i thought something might be off there, i decided to ignore it. but something else has come up and now it seems a tad too obvious to dismiss. there is definitely something there. it's been bugging me for some time now but don't know how to proceed since i don't want to be branded as 'making-a-mountain-out-of-a-molehill.' but the indifference is killing me. slowly.

people who know me know that i have a tendency to overthink things. i guess this is one of those times. that's why i think of solutions. i go direct to the person and ASK. or just BE HONEST and tell them and see what they say. i've had some appreciate the effort, the others, well, didn't go quite as smoothly. but that's just the way i am. unfortunately this episode is not one where i can just go and ask, lest i lose more than i already have.

i have a clue as to how this might have begun in the first place but then again, they are just speculations. and the thing that makes it unbearable is that i was counting on the @%&*!^ the most. the @%&*!^ were what i fell back on. but as it seems, i have been excommunicated. for no reason whatsoever. at least none i am aware of.

the @%&*!^ have no idea how much i think about this. or how much i look for $&@~. this is just a time in my life when i really, REALLY need a backbone. i wonder where it's gone.

meet the people who are my backbone at work.

Liza


Vanie


and the friend that is moving on... Cria


so the space between is not just the song for me.. it is a real emptiness of spirit, an absence of a things that matter, a void that has made its way inside of me and has decided to stay. what's my next step? honestly, i have no clue. i am in no man's land, and unless the @%&*!^ decide to fill me in, then i will stay in the dark. for an indefinite period of time.

i miss you.