all grown up

How do you know if you're growing up?

It could be one of many different things, and actually maybe even a combination of others. Some of the obvious ones would be improvement in physical appearance, height spurts, weight loss (or gain), developing muscles, evening out of your arm length to the size of your torso, and such. Perhaps for others it means a bigger salary, a flashier car, a plasma tv, an iPod, an iBook, and many other material things that distract us in this life.

I beg to disagree, even if for others, some of the above might actually be manifestations of being a grown-up. Not exactly true for me. Sure, I'd want to have a bigger salary, a smaller waistline, a plasma tv, yada yada yada. I mean, who doesn't? Material things make our lives so much easier, not to mention temporarily, or even permanently happier. But when you achieve those things, can you really say "I'm made!" and mean it?

If you can, well, I can't.

I am 23, female, and a teacher by profession. For some reason I feel I have grown more in the last two months than probably the last two years. Being in this institution, teaching the subject that I do, is constanly demanding of me more that I ever demanded for myself. And it is a good thing. A very, very good thing.

I am forced to extend myself, to put myself under circumstances I otherwise might never subject myself to, had I not needed to. I am forced to take control of my life, to set goals for myself and actually make small deadlines so that I may achieve it. I need to prioritize, to see life not as a competition but buffet for all, and to listen to others even if I don't want to listen anymore. I am also asked to respect the value of teamwork, and to constantly renew myself from time to time. Sound familiar? Go figure.

The best thing about these is that I am actually trying them out.. baby steps if you know the term. And I love it. Love every minute of it. I love the way it makes me feel all giddy and glad inside, instead of welled-up anger or wanting to curse the driver in front of me again. I love being able to tell my parents how much I love them. Again and again, until they are finally convinced that I might just want them to treat me to dinner. I love the way I try to understand others, to talk to them and ask them how they feel, instead of telling them how I feel again. I love the way that I believe so much in not needing a boyfriend to be happy, because I am fine, and that I can always shrug the issue off saying, "Dude, okay lang ako. Dadating din iyan." =)

And one of the things I discovered that almost nothing can top, is AFFIRMING others. Like when someone does a good job, there's nothing like telling him, "Galing mo, pare. Great work." With a big smile, you'll surely make a friend's week. I did it once this week, and man, did it ever work!!!

No more outbursts, no more selfishness, no more bitterness, no more self-pity, no more late night tears, no more broken hearts, no more shame. I have bid them all goodbye, and never ever to be missed.

I'm not saying that I'm all grown up. What I am most proud of is that I know that I am most definitely on my way.



Thank you to family.


Thank you to friends.