the space between

walls are coming up on all sides of me, literally and figuratively. but forget the literal part. the figurative part is the most painful one yet.

i seem to be missing out on something, i just can't pinpoint exactly what it is and where it came from. it started with a little odd incident and even when i thought something might be off there, i decided to ignore it. but something else has come up and now it seems a tad too obvious to dismiss. there is definitely something there. it's been bugging me for some time now but don't know how to proceed since i don't want to be branded as 'making-a-mountain-out-of-a-molehill.' but the indifference is killing me. slowly.

people who know me know that i have a tendency to overthink things. i guess this is one of those times. that's why i think of solutions. i go direct to the person and ASK. or just BE HONEST and tell them and see what they say. i've had some appreciate the effort, the others, well, didn't go quite as smoothly. but that's just the way i am. unfortunately this episode is not one where i can just go and ask, lest i lose more than i already have.

i have a clue as to how this might have begun in the first place but then again, they are just speculations. and the thing that makes it unbearable is that i was counting on the @%&*!^ the most. the @%&*!^ were what i fell back on. but as it seems, i have been excommunicated. for no reason whatsoever. at least none i am aware of.

the @%&*!^ have no idea how much i think about this. or how much i look for $&@~. this is just a time in my life when i really, REALLY need a backbone. i wonder where it's gone.

meet the people who are my backbone at work.

Liza


Vanie


and the friend that is moving on... Cria


so the space between is not just the song for me.. it is a real emptiness of spirit, an absence of a things that matter, a void that has made its way inside of me and has decided to stay. what's my next step? honestly, i have no clue. i am in no man's land, and unless the @%&*!^ decide to fill me in, then i will stay in the dark. for an indefinite period of time.

i miss you.

holiday toys and birthday joys

i just needed to share with you this picture since i haven't updated for a while. meet my little holiday elves. obviously i bribed them to take a picture with me. see what some stickers and a little bag of candy can do? meet felipe, arad, and joe.


anyway. christmas was fun. all you can expect from the holidays plus, like, ten more pounds of me! the more of me to love right? of course food never disappears during this season. here with more food and my ism colleagues.



ahhh. the smell of the new year. (more like a new month but forgive me, i'm making up for lost time.) january is always a good sign. it just means a fresh start for everybody. it also means my birthday! along with the birthdays of a few other friends.

candice a.'s party at one roxas triangle with the gang.

and ateneo friends ~ ernest, chimmy

~ pat p.

~ and my ladies

~ and more of the gang


dinner at my place.

party-in-a-box PRESENT!

poveda barkads

and more friendships


actually i wasn't really in the mood to celebrate this year but i said, what the heck. i'm hitting twenty five without so much as a watusi to celebrate? napa-invite tuloy ako. i'd forgotten how good it felt to just have a few friends (more like thirty) over for dinner and rekindle old times. i was reminded that night of how much we'd all grown over the years, since high school and college but how much we are all still the same. in spite of breakups and the travails of singlehood (which for the moment is the current status of most of my friends) we are all still connected, cosmically, emotionally, physically, technologically (by cellphone ~ wala na ako maisip na -ally)
i just think the heavens has really meant for us all to share this life together. and i also realized that i hope each person just has that kind of friend, the one you won't see for years and years but when you see each other, it's like you've never been apart. i'm so blessed to have like, twenty of that kind. i invite them over and boom! they're there. and you know what? (this is really senti but) since i have you guys, the nights don't seem so lonely. kahit na medyo malamig these days. (okay i can hear you snickering now) snicker away! =)

so. birthdays aren't actually just your own to celebrate. because this year, it was for me also a celebration of our friendship, our times together, laughters and sorrows, pass or fail oral exams, it was all of you spending a day with all of me. and for that, i thank you. you are my angels.