there is a real sadness

can you imagine i have not updated this blog in three years? and looking back now at all my old posts, i feel like i have not moved or grown much from where i used to be, in those old days when i used to write for this blog so frequently.

there is a real sadness in my heart that i cannot deny. i am 29 now, still working in the same place where started out in 2005. does that make me a sad person? or just a person not necessarily sad but perhaps too comfortable in where she is?

truth is, i am not comfortable at all. like i said i am definitely sad. not all the time. but fundamentally sad. unhappy in my darkest moments, and have more than once cried myself to sleep in sheer helplessness and personal disappointment. i have been wanting, wishing, praying, talking to my lucky stars in the hopes of finding something not only new. but something rewarding, something more fulfilling. most importantly, something more FAIR.

i believe that the good Lord has created me for greater things, bigger things. perhaps not riches nor fame, but more love, more kindness, more happiness with myself and my work. and this i will continue to seek til my very last day. i will continue to trust the Lord because His love is all good and everlasting.

hey you. i am not worth JUST THIS. not worth just what you are making of me.

i am meant for so much more, i need only wait and trust. because our Lord loves me and has made me to be so much more. so if you want to bask in your power and wealth, go! while i will bask in God's love and everlasting care, knowing always that He will never forsake me.