should i stay or should i go?

alessa, patty, and i have been talking recently about 2007 being our "make or break" year.. hitting quarter-life has never been so challenging, and the need to make majorly BIG decisions that quite possibly will change our lives forever.

1. comfort zone over unchartered territory?
sure everyone loves his/her comfort zone, i mean there is no better place in the world than home.. your own room, own bed, own bathroom (except in a foreign city and staying in a swanky hotel, that is) but even that lacks big time in "having it all" in one place.. friends, family, and all other conveniences of being in your own house.

unchartered territory?
plunging into the unknown, taking a chance, not knowing who you'll meet and what types of people you'll encounter, just knowing that chances are you'll get along with some and get ticked off by others, being unsure whether you'll enjoy your work there or will be pining for adobo back home.. having to do laundry, having to commute, having to walk out in the sun everyday.. but isn't life like that? it gives you what you give it. it only depends if you're giving something worthwhile.

2. self-improvement over friends
wanting to learn more, study more, be more, is only a human emotion.. that's if you're not the mediocre kind. i was always that person who wanted to stretch myself to the limit.. in college i never picked teachers, i picked schedules. basta i wanted to be home by this time and not have ludicrously long breaks. if i had a sucky teacher, i dealt with it. basta i knew i didn't want those evening or weekend classes, even if it was a rumored sure-A. if you want something, you do what it takes to get it. if you don't have an easy time because of a choice you made, then you suck it up, because you have a goal and you will work to get it.

friends?
friends are self-explanatory.. they still lie within your comfort zone.. they make you feel better.. they make you forget you ever had this problem or this crappy relationship.. hell they even make you forget your manners if you ever drink too much together. but friends are friends, and they'll be there as long as you feed and nurture your relationship, whether you're next door or in the next continent. and if they're the real kind, they stick with you no matter what.

3. career over love?
your career is still your comfort zone.. it is steadiness, it is something you know by heart and can do even if you're half asleep or whether your eyes are open or closed. it is the assurance that you'll always have a socially accepted way to pass your day, you'll always have something to say when you meet an old classmate for the first time in years, you'll always have money in the bank and in your wallet, you'll always have the glimmer of higher position somewhere down the road.
that's why we lose ourselves in our jobs. i know i do sometimes.

love?
this is not my comfort zone.. this is my unchartered territory. i am almost in fear of what it can do to me should i take this step again soon.. i have tried so hard and been so successful at being alone, taking care of myself, that it terrifies me to have to consider this option. we are at the phase of almost needing to be in a relationship, should be in a relationship, titas and lolas asking why we're not in a relationship, or just not being there and not being interested at all. this was me for the last few years.. jaded, disinterested, career-oriented, that i just wasn't looking and didn't even make time to meet new people. like all other romanticists, i wait.

patty asked, should i have had one right now for the last three months and i knew he was the right one, and he's down on his knees asking for marriage, i'll still say NO. i'm just not ready. if he could wait a couple more years then maybe i will be. i should be. i want to be.


truth is, weighing these things is really causing some stress on my part (i'm sure for some of my friends as well).. you know the song that says "be careful what you wish for, 'cause you just might get it all.." yes, it seems that is what happened. i have been wishing and hoping for these things for so long that they seem to have arrived all at one time. problem is, i need to leave the country if i chose one, and stay here for a shot at the other. one or the other? hayyyyyyy i really don't know. i just don't know.


anyway.. stresses aside. been having some fun in the sun this summer with friends.


i think i need another beer.

craziness

whew.. the year is finally over. i have absofreakinlutely maxed myself out for the past week. grade level parties, inumans, after school parties, karaoke nights.. aww man. i am so drained but so relieved. i will miss the kids though.

one of my 'moms' in school, mrs. clark


goofing around in the flex room with molly and soo yeon


end of year celebration with mrs. martinez's class

ms. ranson's class

chan woo

kyle

sakiinah, gaea, and kyle

soaked in the field! perfect after a warm and busy day. kyara, shin yee and faress.

roy, rohan, and sebi.

ang saya saya!


i thought i wouldn't shed a tear on the last day and i didn't until i saw soo yeon looking at me with tears in her eyes and until sakiinah said, "i wish you could come with me to brunei." waaah!
this is what i live for. forget the stress, forget the incredible workload. when the kids hug you and don't want to let go, you live for that moment.

so for now i will take a breather.. catch up on sleep and drown myself in telenovelas (again). i hope to catch up with friends and others i've lost touch with over the last few months.

phew.. the summer months are here again.